


Realizations

by Parad0xX



Category: Phandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mild screaming, Panic Attacks, Sweet Jesus I am so sorry, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parad0xX/pseuds/Parad0xX
Summary: Dan finally realizes what Phil's known for years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Internet. (I'm not sorry you're sorry) I would just like to say I'm sorry in advance. I have been told I am a good author but this will probably be pure shit. This is my first work on the interwebs and I am actually kind of nervous. Hopefully you all enjoy though :)

It was one of those nights where he would stay awake for hours long after Phil had gone to bed. Sitting at his desk and editing or laying on his bed, perfectly still while his thoughts overtook him. It was this particular night that Dan had thought that they had always been a bit more.....friendly than most friends he had ever seen. It struck him with the force of a minor lightning bolt or with the damage an F5 tornado leaves in it's wake. As he lay, awestruck at his "discovery", Dan could hear Phil shuffling about in the next room and wondered if this had ever occured to his best friend. As he was pondering that, another thought struck the brunette and he wondered if he should act on it or not. He heard a few more shuffling sounds, then the click of a light switch and thought to himself, "Nah I'll let him sleep... I guess I can talk to him in the morning...". Little did he know, just a few feet away, Phil was going over the same realization he had been for quite some time now.  
The next morning, Dan got up before Phil which was a bit of a shock, considering the hour he went to bed. He padded silently around the kitchen, making coffee, and fixing a small breakfast. By the time Phil stumbled sleepily down the stairs, Dan had already set the table, and was just setting out the various toppings for the pancakes when he caught sight of Phil and smiled.  
"Good morning Phillip." Making his posh accent even posher, Dan bowed slightly as he handed Phil his cat whisker mug full of coffee, done just the way he liked it. He was greeted with a mumbled, incoherent grunt, the norm of people that had barely been awake long enough to recomprehend life. He pulled his chair out, just as Dan set a plate down. They have a very near collision of plate and mug. Dan's nerves are growing, and an uncharacteristic giggle bubbles to his lips which causes Phil to give him a patented Concerned Phil Lester Stare™. They eat in silence, while Phil wakes up a bit more and before long is ready for proper conversation. Dan gets slowly more and more jumpy, Phil being the oblivious little angel bean he is and- No. Dan did not just think his heterosexual best friend was an angel bean. As the dishes were starting to be done, finally, Dan break the dam.  
"Isitjustmeorarewecloserthanlikeanyoneonearth?"  
Phil, being quite used to Dan's random oubursts of random bullshit, took only a few moments to decipher this and respond. "Did it just occur to you last night?"  
It takes Dan several long moments of shocked silence to respond, Phil muses. (hahaha I'm not bloody sorry)  
"I.... M-maybe?" He sounds so unsure, so shaken, only moments in the existential crisis hallway does this side of him actually show. Oh how he fucking **hates** those weak moments, making him feel small and so child-like in front of his older flatmate, unable to stop as the world tears itself into questions with no tangible answers. Phil smirked softly, leaving Dan feeling (phil-ling) as though he's being laughed at, and he kind of curls into himself, shoulders hunched, hands starting to shake. Phil notices and immediatley goes to comfort him, but Dan scoots backwards out of reach.  
"Am I just a child t-to you.....?" Dan's eyes are filled with tears, and this breaks Phil's heart.  
"Dan no.... you didn't let me explain love....please come here..." Both faces turn a slight pink, as Dan slowly goes closer. Phil's pruny hands cradle his face, forcing Dan to look him in the eyes. Try as he might there isn't much he can do other than be pulled into the deep sea of blue, green, and yellow.  
"I don't think you're a child first of all," Dan goes to protest and before he can Phil makes a shushing noise, also usually reserved for the hallway. "Second of all, it occured to me the day you got off of that train and I was finally able to hold you IRL... How it's spiraled into this," He takes a moment to gesture between them, "and I realized that you and I are the definition of couple. In all but like.... two ways." Phil's face flushes, and Dan catches the implication. He shuffles his feet, prolonging the time to think of something clever to say to that when Phil's phone rings making them both jump. Phil releases his gentle grip on Dan's face, with an irritated sigh and answers it.  
"Hello? PJ? Yeah yeah... I'm not busy.... I can be there in 15?" Phil pauses and looks guiltily at Dan, with a face that looks like that of a small child who's just been informed that their kitten has been run over. "Alright... see you then..." He hangs up, and goes to turn to Dan, who's face now resembles stony indifference, and a pang of hurt rebounds through Phil's ribcage.  
"PJ sounded nearly frantic... I need to go see what's wrong... I'll be back in half an hour yeah?" Dan's face is blank as he nods, before turning back to the dishes. Phil stares at his shoulder blades for a long moment, before turning and grabbing his jacket and shoes, going out the door. As soon as he's left, Dan dries his hands mechanically, and before he realizes exactly what's happening he's in the middle of the hallway. It takes him a moment to the newest addition to the growing list of existence-questioning thoughts.  
_"What if I didn't have Phil anymore?"_

  
Phil returns several hours later, to find that Dan hasn't moved. Except for the slow rise and fall of his chest, and the occasional tear slipping from his glazed over eyes, Phil wouldn't have known he was alive. He cautiously kneels beside the monochromatic noodle, resting to set a hand on his shoulder.  
"Dan? Danny?" Dan raises his head slightly, in an acknowledgement that he knows who and that someone spoke, before resting his head back on the carpet. "How long have you been laying here love?" Phil's voice is soft, borderline loving, and Dan's shoulders move into what could be classified as a shrug. "C'mon.... up you get.... We're going to sit on the couch and watch some movies alright? I'll get your favourite chocolates..." The bribery makes Dan sit up slightly, and Phil wraps a firm arm around his waist to help steady him as they hobble to the couch. Phil rushes around the house like a mad man, gathering blankets, the movies and the promised chocolates, before returning to his llama's side. He swaddles the aforementioned llama in blankets, before pushing play on the film, and resting the blanketed lump's back against his chest. As he holds him close, he becomes painfully aware of how upset Dan must be to let this happen. He unwraps a chocolate, and passes it gently through Dan's lips, the motions he uses to chew and swallow the sweet that of an elderly man with horrendous artheritis. Phil's hands brush through the exhuasted lump's hair and he murmurs softly.  
"Dan... look at me a moment?" It takes several long moments for Dan to understand what he said, but when the message makes it's way through his saddened brain, he does with the same arthritic motions. It stabs Phil's heart, the way Dan is looking at him, like a puppy that's been spanked one too many times, and is slowly understanding that the world isn't such a kind place. Phil uses his thumb to wipe away the stray tears before speaking in a voice barely above a whisper. "Do you remember what we were talking about before I left love?" Dan takes another long pause before nodding slowly. "Well.... What I was going to tell you.... was that I've felt the same way ever since you got off of that train... and I was able to properly hug you.. Make sure you were still alive and breathing.." Neither of them mention it but, both of them know what Phil is referring too.

***************FLASHBACK******************  
_Dan's parents, naturally had some objections to the fact that thier 'baby boy' was going to be moving in with a stranger he had met through Twitter. They had smiled fondly, bemusedwhen Dan spoke of Phil, eyes glistening happily whenever the older man was mentioned. So yeah maybe Dan lied about Phil's age just a little. But they put up with the nonstop Phil obsessing he would do, on almost a daily basis. One night over dinner, he amde the announcement that he would be leaving tomorrow, did the world come to a screeching halt. Both parents immediately started pointing out what was obviously "wrong" with that, voices getting louder and louder, Dan just sinking lower and lower into his chair . His chest was tightening at an alarming rate, breathing becoming far too difficult, until he pushed his chair back with a loud screech and bolted to his room. Panic shooting through his nerves like fire, he did the one thing he knew would help. He called Phil. Phil answered cheerily but his smile almost immediately dropped when he realized that Dan was almost in tears._  
_"Dan?? Are you alright??" The concern in his voice made Dan smile fleetingly before he quietly explained what had happened._  
_"Now I don't think they're going to let me go tomorrow....." Dan's eyes fill with more tears, and Phil wants nothing more than to be holding him tightly to his chest._  
_"It's going to be alright Dan... They can't truly stop you.... I'm right here beautiful..." It was the first time that Phil had ever called him beautiful... and it made Dan's heart beat faster, although not due to panic this time. They talked through the screams from downstairs, for hours, until the voices got closer and closer to the door, before they actually burst in.They spot Phil's pale face on the moniter, and the screaming starts again as Dan hurriedly hangs up. Before he can though, Phil hears a thud and glass shattering before it says Dan has gone offline. Phil spends the night worrying, fretting, and drinking an illegal amount of coffee. When his phone gives off Dan's special text notif that morning he lunges for it with animalistic speed. **I'm on the train.... I'll see you at 9 ish?** Phil almost breaks his phone in half, with the ferocity of his typing. **Of course llama...I'll be holding a giant sign with your name on it like a dork :3.**_ _When 9 PM finally rolls around, Phil rises, holding the honest to god, giant ass sign, that practically screams Dan's name in bright, neon colours. Everyone is finding the ones they've been waiting for, teenagers going into waiting parents' arms, husbands twirling wives off of their feet, but still no Dan. When Phil finally spots him, he's looking pale and nervous, a duffel bag on one shoulder, a suitcase in the opposite hand. Phil waves the sign like a professional flag waver, and Dan's face all but lights up, before he's walking hesitantly to Phil, as though not believing he's actually there. When he's close enough Phil drops his sign, and just pulls the smaller-ish boy into his chest, breath spilling over his shoulder as he murmurs a soft hello._

************FLASHBACK OVER***************  
Dan is smiling softly, the memories flickering through his eyes.  
"You felt the same.... ever since then?" Phil nods, almost shyly, and Dan's smile only grows. "Well that's good to know....." Phil is just about to ask what he's referring too, when Dan's lips are softly on his own. His eyes widen in slight surprise, before fluttering closed, and Dan's only thought is,

_Everything is going to be just fine._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I know some parts are *very* out of character but it just met with the groove of the story so just once can you forgive me?


End file.
